Festival Of Sound?

I have phonophobia. It is a phobia that is not widely known, and it is basically a fear of very loud sounds. When I was a child, I would run away from the kitchen, stuffing my fingers in my ears every time my mother broke a coconut or turned on the mixer. 

Deepavali, as I'm sure you have guessed by now, was not a pleasant experience for me. Unlike dogs, I did not lie cowering under a bed, but I did lie in bed, cotton plugs crammed into my ears, two pillows on either side, trying to sleep away the unbearable stress, wishing desperately that I could run away to another country, where they didn't celebrate Deepavali, or where firecrackers were banned.

My phobia was so bad, it never allowed me to enjoy the other aspects of the festival - new clothes, the endless flow of sweets, the streets alive through the night with lights of every shade and hue. It was only after I did move to other countries - first to the UAE and then to the US - that I was able to focus my mind on these things, and the fascinating mythologies from Northern and Southern India that form the basis for Deepavali. 

After many, many years of struggling with my phobia, and with some help from my mother (who took me a little more seriously than other relatives and neither laughed nor scolded me about it), I have managed to overcome some part of the problem. I am not afraid of breaking coconuts or turning on blenders anymore; I have even managed to keep my hands relatively steadily by my side when phuljadis are set alight on the streets. I am far from fully cured, but it's a small step.

My experience at this time of year, every year, for all my life has made the festival very uniquely special to me. On nights when I lay in bed, the stress and blocked ears making me come down with a fever, cursing my fear, hating every person who was out there lighting "bombs," I would lull myself to sleep thinking how lucky I really am. I could hear the noises, painful as they were, just as well as I could hear music (which, for some reason, never bothered me, even if I was standing next to a thudding speaker on a dance floor). I could gaze out into the night through my window and see the colourful lamps as well as the flashes of light from the crackers exploding. The morning after Deepavali, I would want to campaign to ban firecrackers from the country, but I wanted more than that to learn sign language, and make a small donation to some worthy cause for the hearing impaired.

I did that today - to Voice for the Deaf, a charitable organization based in Hyderabad and Secunderabad that provides care for hearing-impaired children. 

I'm glad I could do it, and I hope everyone who celebrates this festival can use their own experiences to contribute to a cause they believe in as well.

Here's wishing you all a very Happy Deepavali!